She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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