Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
