We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
