My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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