There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
