How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Too much gin, very little bucket
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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