I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
