last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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