Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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