I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
