I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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