I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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