Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
