Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
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I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
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She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Lo siento on account of my penis...