you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
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Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
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Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.