Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.