Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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