my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
