He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
