Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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