Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize