this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
