cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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