a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
