I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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