Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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