Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
