So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
