May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
