I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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