Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
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Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
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I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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