We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
