Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
