I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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