Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
