this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
