my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
