So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
