Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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