You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
