My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
