Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
