Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
