I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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