The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
