If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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