dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
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My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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