12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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