your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
