I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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