please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
