PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
