Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
