Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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