ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
