It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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