they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We need to get me chipped asap
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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