separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
