I can tuck mytits in my pants
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
