so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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