Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
