69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
