What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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