I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Randomize
